Just As I Am

I wish I were a better writer.

As the title says, I'm not losing any of my excess Holiday Weight, but I'm doing pretty good.

How can I say that? Because today, while driving home from work, I've realized how much anger I've been holding within myself.

Angry at the church for making believe things that aren't true....for encouraging me to walk in a way that NOW, I believe is wrong & is against the loving, kind, merciful God that I know.

Angry at my mother for not trying harder to have a relationship with me.  Angry that she passed away without me near.  Angry that I was too selfish to attend her funeral.

Angry at myself for all the hurtful things I've said and done to the people closest to me.  Angry for what I allowed myself to become....an angry wife, mother, friend: person.

I don't want to be that angry person anymore.  I think what I realized is, I don't HAVE to be that person anymore.  There is no reason to be that person anymore.

The church, my mother, even my husband (when he was following the "advice" of our pastor in dealing with his "rebellious, jezebel, a bad woman in the bible" of a wife - Me) all told me, one way or another, that I was no good just as I was.  That I had to change.  I could not please God just as I am - I had to conform.

So I did.

And I became an angry person.

But no more.

God in his mercy has shown, once again, how much he loves me...Just As I Am. And how much he wants me to be Just As I Am.

"Come (to me) all ye that are weary and heavy laden (burdened)...and I will give you rest"  Rest from pretending to be another, rest from trying to hard to please, rest from the worry of not measuring up, rest from constantly fighting the the feeling of rejection.

In showing me what an angry person I've been,...He is giving me rest!

Thumbs Up Lucy!